Monday, September 18, 2006

A Story out of Nowhere

Mr. White is an aerosol insecticide salesman. But he is not really white, he is a little reddish, like his parents and those before him. Although this would be a strange way to start a story, we are talking about him anyway, and is really proud to be the first aerosol insecticide salesman to be talked about in the story.
While lawyers, doctors, engineers, and some other occupations are usually discussed in stories, no one has ever dwelled into what an aerosol insecticide salesman has to say. It usually seems uninteresting, and it probably is. But Mr. White has a strange interest. Mr. While likes to read stories on ordinary people or certain special people, on how their day went before they passed away. This type of story is usually being discussed in eulogies in funerals. Mr. White actually attends funerals of strangers and listens to these stories. He does like the whole idea that it all seems ok in the end. The person meets his maker after what would be called a very wonderful day, and when the person did pass on he typically seems to have had no difficulties whatsoever. In this respect, he avoids newspapers who discuss certain methods otherwise.
Living an uneventful life of going to supermarkets and promoting insecticides, Mr. White would try to consider his life as something “stable”. Nothing strange happens to him and his town, and is not necessarily bothered by this. A predictable life is an easy life, it is easier to expect what would happen next and, know that it will all be ok. He feels he will leave at the age of 77, as what the average life expectancy of his town is, but has a feeling it may prolong if medical technology will improve as expected, or shorten due to the harm being caused by his insecticides, irregardless, 77 is a safe bet at this point.
Although life is “stable”, there was one occasion when everything was better than usual, and this terrified Mr. White. This morning, Mr. White woke up a little happier than usual, had a better prize in the cereal box, got a raise from his boss, and got the chance to leave for home earlier to celebrate. This was a very worrying day for Mr. White.
It may seem like a great day for us, but for Mr. White, he feels his death is impending. A day too good than the usual reminds him of the funeral stories, this is not what he was expecting at all. Mr. White cursed the fact that he had a wonderful day. He hated it today, and will curse it all eternity in his afterlife, after he dies tonight, as what he believes will happen.
How can you prevent a good day to happen when it has too? But what if it is too good? He panicked, and suddenly regretted the environmental impact his products are causing to the ozone layer, as that might be the reason he might go to hell. Forget all those church visits and morning prayers, no, Someone up there is upset over his contribution to the damages to the ozone layer that he might be given the punishment of standing beneath a hole for eternity, smelling like insecticide.
But nothing could be done, he decided that while many of these people died in their sleep, it would be best to stay awake. He is terrible at doing this though, and at latest, stayed awake until
8:33in the evening, 3 minutes after his usual time of sleeping of
The next day Mr. White woke up with a sort of curiosity over the idea that he might be already dead. He tried walking around the yard naked to see if people will notice him. He could have still done this with clothes on and be greeted by neighbors. Instead, they stared at him with disgust and surprise as they called the kids back in to the house, no longer curious about his only secret. Here is a man who has no secrets anymore in his neighborhood, but it was not one of those things people will keep staring at, it was really best not to look.
Realizing he was alive, Mr. White felt a sigh of relief, and utter stupidity and embarrassment. He later explained the same story to his neighbors, after the police, who later forgave him and inside felt good after all that something different actually happened in their town. This was a story worth talking about in their town, apparently, and Mr. White became quite proud for his stupidity, which entertained his neighbors.
His wife thought otherwise, now and will always be embarrassed over her husband’s logic. But is still happy with his raise anyways, and found that it would be a good idea to put a bell near the bedroom door to ensure she knows when he will be leaving the room and check if he is clothed. Mr. White did live long and is still alive and kicking at 76.

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